Megalithic Symphony

AWOLNATION has this way of being simultaneously angst ridden and uplifting. Perfect for the coming of spring and a global pandemic.

I'm feeling a lot of ways right now.

Part of me is still really happy with this extra time at home. I feel like I know my husband again, we have time to talk about things that aren't related to work and we get to spend entire days together. Albeit, on different floors of the house, but still that's much better than different parts of the city. I have more time to exercise, get fresh air and walk the dog, play in the backyard. The best part is still having more time with my daughter.

Part of me is lonely and bored. I miss seeing friends and family in person. I miss having busy weekends where we can't possibly fit all of the plans in. I miss going to the mall, hockey and lacrosse games, my work(!!!). I miss playing soccer. This isn't to say I'm not busy. I am. Incredibly. I work all day and then there is no break, no commute, no separation. I immediately jump into the parenting role until 7:30. Then I have a couple of hours to clean up dinner, tidy the living room, have a shower, maybe watch one show with my husband and then it's off to bed. I'm bored of this routine too.

Part of me is just sad. All the cancelled plans, all the milestones, it's just so much disappointment.

Part of me is scared. There's over 3 million cases globally now. The single largest outbreak in all of Canada is in my geographic region. Southwest Calgary. I know our risk is low because of how isolated we are, but the fear is still there.

I'm trying to access the part of me that is hopeful but she's not there today. I typically can easily (maybe too easily) focus on the inevitability of a positive outcome. Even in this pandemic I've been able to somewhat naively put it to the back of my mind most days. A vaccine will come, a treatment will be discovered, my family will be ok. These are my usual positive affirmations that get me through the days. Not today though. I'm hopeful that this is just a morning funk and some afternoon sunshine will bring the positive vibes back around.

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