Steal the Light
So most of my vinyl, it turns out, is comprised of bands I have seen at Folk Fest. This means that I have had a hard time putting anything on in the morning because anything that transports me to an island in the city in the sunshine just makes me sad.
But I've decided the way to move beyond the canceling of my FAVOURITE PART OF THE ENITRE YEAR is to maybe listen to some of that music again and enjoy it in other ways.
So this morning is The Cat Empire. An upbeat jazzy, latin horn-ish, contemporary band out of Australia. They are so good. I've seen them a couple of times at the festival and they never fail to get the whole crowd up dancing.
I'm obviously still struggling to cope with the many disappointments that pile up. I did have a very big breakthrough in my understandings of myself this weekend though - on that end. I realized that I live in the future. I plan and imagine and plan some more. I build things up in a way that makes it hard for the actual event to meet my expectations which leads to lots of disappointment (right now, usually it's just occasional, manageable disappointment). I realized this when I built up this romantic image of waffles and tea and a quiet morning for mother's day. Instead it was no breakfast, no gifts, no cards, and a sad teething toddler. Of course what I imagined wasn't possible during a pandemic. We still had a nice day together - it just would have been nicer if we could have gone for a walk in fish creek and picked up drinks and treats at Annie's cafe...
I'm getting bored with teaching at home. I still love my job, I still love my kids, I still work hard, I want to be clear about that. But this is all of the work and none of the fun. I just want to make fun of a teenager in the hallway between classes - is that too much to ask?
I'm doing the whole living in the future thing for work too, but it's not in a good way. I'm worried about the future. I'm worried that the safety precautions we have to take to protect everyone will take the fun parts away from teaching. We still have no idea what school will look like in the fall - will it be normal again or more of this or some blend of the two? The not knowing allows my mind to wander in a not helpful way. I guess the silver lining is that if we return and have to use PPE I don't have to be self-conscious about my crooked tooth anymore and I will save a fortune in makeup to cover up obnoxious stress breakouts.
This is all weird and today I feel weird too.
But I've decided the way to move beyond the canceling of my FAVOURITE PART OF THE ENITRE YEAR is to maybe listen to some of that music again and enjoy it in other ways.
So this morning is The Cat Empire. An upbeat jazzy, latin horn-ish, contemporary band out of Australia. They are so good. I've seen them a couple of times at the festival and they never fail to get the whole crowd up dancing.
I'm obviously still struggling to cope with the many disappointments that pile up. I did have a very big breakthrough in my understandings of myself this weekend though - on that end. I realized that I live in the future. I plan and imagine and plan some more. I build things up in a way that makes it hard for the actual event to meet my expectations which leads to lots of disappointment (right now, usually it's just occasional, manageable disappointment). I realized this when I built up this romantic image of waffles and tea and a quiet morning for mother's day. Instead it was no breakfast, no gifts, no cards, and a sad teething toddler. Of course what I imagined wasn't possible during a pandemic. We still had a nice day together - it just would have been nicer if we could have gone for a walk in fish creek and picked up drinks and treats at Annie's cafe...
I'm getting bored with teaching at home. I still love my job, I still love my kids, I still work hard, I want to be clear about that. But this is all of the work and none of the fun. I just want to make fun of a teenager in the hallway between classes - is that too much to ask?
I'm doing the whole living in the future thing for work too, but it's not in a good way. I'm worried about the future. I'm worried that the safety precautions we have to take to protect everyone will take the fun parts away from teaching. We still have no idea what school will look like in the fall - will it be normal again or more of this or some blend of the two? The not knowing allows my mind to wander in a not helpful way. I guess the silver lining is that if we return and have to use PPE I don't have to be self-conscious about my crooked tooth anymore and I will save a fortune in makeup to cover up obnoxious stress breakouts.
This is all weird and today I feel weird too.
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